If I Was A Book, My Cover Would Be A Blue Piece Of Paper

Could I still be the same eight year old boy, twirling my right foot in circles as I stare down into the pavement, desperately hoping the girl I just whispered affections to... doesn't crush me? Yes. I must be. I've always had difficulties matching my insides with my outside appearance. That might be why I get weird reads from people. I feel that most people (women especially) tend to look at me like they expect me to be cocky. And I'm not, I just appreciate who I am. I grew up the majority of my life extremely unpopular because I was chubby, creative, and really sensitive. I couldn't harm a fly and therefore I was shunned as a young adult. It wasn't until I hit high school (roughly 11th and 12th grade) that I started to thin out, got a nice tan and got a chip on my shoulder. 

Why the chip on my shoulder? I'll tell you why. In Jr. High I was very intimidated by girls because they were extremely mean. I could deal with the daily physical abuse I got from the guys but the emotional abuse was far worse from the girls. I didn't date much except for a few opportunities due to stints in theatre and choir. For the most part I hated the opposite sex going into high school. So I just started to say "fuck it!" and "fuck'em!" Apparently, that made me attractive for a reason I can only describe as fake confidence. I dated a couple of girls in high school, one of which is another story for another time.

After graduation I finally found someone that took the edge off and we "were" in love. The happiness lasted until we fixed each others' wounds and got established in the world and then we realized it was time to go our separate ways. 

It's been awhile, roughly nine years since I've dated. All I'm left knowing is that some women find me cute and in some cases feel intimidated by me, which I'll never figure out. Why? Because I'm still that chubby kid inside who's still intimidated by women. All I want to do is be myself because that gives me confidence. My great qualities are the ones that used to get me beat up in school and I'm glad I didn't lose them. I accept I'm not a bad looking guy, I just need more confidence when it comes to it. Cheers to being eight on the playground again.

Castle Wintry

a short story for me, by me

He had lived his whole life in the damp gray walls of the Castle Wintry. As a boy he new nothing of love or affection; he only knew that when the spiders bit him late at night under the cold moon… he felt it comforting to know something recognized his beating heart. His father was a pastry chef known to most as the worst cake maker in the whole castle. His mother hated his father for be being dull and dry-witted; she in turn saw only his father in his eyes and paid him no mind. They both passed away when he was a teen and left him nothing to remember.

The boy grew into a man. In doing so he gained quite the reputation for entertaining the masses in the castle. He reveled in telling witty jokes and using his flirtatious mannerisms to make the ladies of the castle giggle. He often found that his most prized gift was that of dance. He loved to dance and found that he was quite mesmerizing to the castle patrons when he did so. The man entertained so well that the King requested that the man be appointed court jester and dance before them between meals. A great honor it is to be the supreme entertainer to the nobles and monarch. For years he entertained and loved his audience. He knew them all by name and even when he was not entertaining them officially, he would often stop them in their daily routines in hopes of making them laugh or smile. He counseled many of the men and listened to the quandaries of many of the women. Never a day went by when he felt he didn’t help someone and that left him content.

One early morning brought much grief to the man. The man, now in his late thirties, was lying on his deathbed. He had but only a few hours left. The man reconciled the notion of death and started to smile once again. He continued to smile while waiting for the beautiful sight of all his friends and master to wish him off to the afterlife. The day was long and soon it was night. Never had a man been so saddened and now so ready to die. He had understood what his life was about. He knew the affection and the attention he never received as a child motivated him to give. Therefore, he gave all of himself to others. Lying on his deathbed with only a few hours left, he knew he’d die alone and that’s when he realized… he more than anyone else in Castle Wintry deserved love.

The man’s body was tossed to the moat where it was promptly lifted and carried away. The man's body drifted and finally rested in a patch of water lilies. When the man had died, his last thought was that he wished he could have danced one last time. He wished he could have done the one thing that gave him joy one last time. Some would say they could see the water lilies dance under the moonlight to the whistling wind. Unfortunately, most paid no attention to the water lilies, the masses only wished they had someone to listen to them, talk to them, or just dance for them. There was now no such person in Castle Wintry.

Citizen Cope!!!

It was awesome! I had so much fun. I was a little skeptical of just how much fun it would be to go by myself but I really enjoyed it. I'm glad I went. And I got to see the KU game at the Blue Note as well. I kept the cheering to a minimal since I was surrounded by MU people. On my trip I decided to take some silly pictures and put together this little slideshow video. Great way to pass the time on the road. Enjoy!

Hurricane Waters

Bullet & A Target

Bummer

No takers on the Citizen Cope concert, so I'm going by myself.

Oscar Mayer Has Never Been So Proud

Outside our VML office lived a wienermobile for a couple of days. During which time one of the employees has an awesome moment of clarity and creative vision. He took this shot. Thank you Travis for making me laugh at such an uncompromisingly sexual joke. That image molests my childhood memories and doesn't apologize for it. I love it!

The Jokes On Us

I had a really adventurous day on Tuesday around lunch time. My good friend and coworker came over to my desk and had me look at a cool site called http://clowntravelagency.com/. We looked at the site closely. There was a letter with written clues in it but we ignored it and started looking at the addresses. I was curious because they had a listing for K.C. but the address for it hadn't been revealed yet. Apparently this site started at 12:01 a.m. on Tuesday so we found out about the site just in time. Adam and I had already figured out this had to be linked somehow to the new Batman movie called Dark Knight. We studied the addresses and started to Google them. We studied the buildings in the street view on google maps. Each building had a name that had bowling terms in it, therefore we surmised they must all be bowling alley's. This made the previous letter seem obvious now with all its clues. The letter read:

Ready to have a ball?

A special bag of fun awaits the first to claim it, 

but you better strike fast, there's

no time to spare!

We were onto something. I noticed that more addresses were being revealed on the hour every hour. Kansas City was going to come up either at 11 or 12. Adam and I scoured the addresses of K.C. bowling alley's. That is when I jokingly threw out that it was probably going to be in the bowling alley we had our last VML summer party at. I went back to my desk and started working again but that "bag of fun" was constantly on my mind. 12:00 came and K.C. was released. Adam wrote down the locker combination, address and we ran out of VML. I sped out of the VML parking lot and we headed to 18th street. Shit! a traffic back-up on the Broadway bridge, we were pissed. Adrenaline was still pumping as we moved through the traffic. Damn! that's when Adam realized it was 18th street in North K.C... it was the summer party bowling alley! I knew how to get there so I gunned it. We raced down 9 highway constantly observing other drivers to see if we had competition on the road. I dropped Adam off at the front door and he bolted inside. I parked and ran in only to find Adam befuddled looking at the lockers. He shouted, "There's no locker 50!" So I raced to the other side of the bowling alley. I got to the lockers and that is when a man came around the corner holding the bag. Fuck! he beat us by only a couple of minutes. I asked him to show us the prize. The bowling bag had a bowling ball colored in a cool Joker scheme and there was a phone with a calling card attached. Apparently, you get a message when you call the number??? 

Thus our adventure was done and we were excited but frustrated. Here's to cool scavenger hunts and great marketing campaigns. This is the douche bag that took our prize. Apparently he has tendonitis...

I'm Exhausted From Being Exhausted

I'm so exhausted. I had a really cool scavenger hunt today that I want to blog about. Instead I'm going to think about how much I wish I was in my new bed sleeping.