My Last Post

8:45 p.m. and I'm resting my left shoulder against the cold tile. Outside my building I'm picturing snowflakes falling on filthy concrete. Warm beads of comfort cascade down my body and steam fills my lungs. One of my favorite songs starts to penetrate my ears from just outside the door...

Ooh girl
Shock me like an electric eel
Save me girl
Turn me on with your electric feel

...

My mind wonders to her, to that night, then back to her like it has for months. I'm every emotion all at once. I laugh for a brief second aloud and then I stop. I spit a few droplets of the hard water out on the tile in front of me. "God damn" dribbles outta my mouth and rests somewhere in between the open drain and the dark speck in the upper right corner of my window. I took a second glance at the speck. I peered at it, watching every move. Such a calculating creature and yet a creature that survives on chance too. I gaze at it as if I was watching the Discovery channel, faux commentary fills my head. The web was perfect and yet hardly noticeable. The creature was dark brown with the slightest hint of white rings that circled its body from end to end. I peered around it. I noticed a smaller speck below the creatures body. The smaller speck looked to be half covered. The creature repositioned itself, its back legs started moving hastily up and down. It was brilliant. The creature was so fast and deliberate in cocooning its prey. I watched, staring wide eyed for a little longer. I put my mind in both their places. Was I the predator? Was I the prey? Perhaps, I dance on the fine line between the two waiting for the web to break? Or was I the guy that turned off the water, grabbed some toilet paper, and in one fell swoop destroyed it all?

I tossed the paper in the toilet and flushed it. What is it like to drown? Are we all drowning? Are we all just given a chance to swim a little longer than spiders?

This is my last post. It was fun blogging but I'm worn out and just don't enjoy it like I once did. Maybe I'll pick it up again but probably not.

I leave you with this song and video for several reasons. 1. It was in my story. 2. It is her. 3. I miss showbiz pizza (2:22) and fuck chucky cheese! 4. One of my favorite songs of all time.

You Just Have To Love UTIOG!

This is a great little piece of lyrics from the song 'beautiful'.

I want you to know that I'm beautiful,
I'm taking my time to perfect dying alone,
I'm cutting the string that binds me to you,
I'm writing a book on what not to do.

so good!

I'm Tired

I'm glad this video is out.

Random Thoughts

Friends losing their jobs.
Things could be better at mine.
It's still really freaking cold.
I still haven't fully gotten over this sickly ick.
That means I haven't been back to workout in awhile.
So many things I can't afford that i need to do.
Two women who are interested in me but I'm already starting to date two other women. I know...sounds rough.
In the end, I'm really very lucky.
My mom has to go back in for another surgery, that worries me.
I've stopped going out so much, just doesn't seem as fun to me anymore.
I'm more of the mindset that I just want to curl up and watch a good movie.
hmmmm...
is this signs that I might be growing up.
ha!
maybe.
Oh well.
I've got plenty of time.
Off to bed.

no phone. no phone. I just want to be alone today...
love that song.