The Good, The Bad, And The Wishing

Sorry readers that I haven't posted in a while. I'm still reeling a little bit. I learned that some coworkers while on a business trip called out my blog as a sorta of a joke, and apparently they proceeded to laugh at me and the personal nuances of my life's stories. I'm normally not bothered by this but the people involved... I was a little surprised that I was such an easy joke to them. Anyways, I could be wrong but that's something that's hard to get over. I'm hoping that I can push on because there are bigger goals at stake that are the reasons why I write so personally.

On some good news! Yes, I will on occasion throw in a an exclamation mark. Okay... I do it all the time. So sue me! Back to the good news. I have a buyer for my house and contracts have been signed!!! Yay! All we have to do is go through the appraisal process and then hand it over on May 31st. No more crippling mortgage. Italy in October, here I come!

Top 10 list of things that will happen in my life:

10: I will own a boat/sea doo of some kind (Why else would I have gotten an FJ Cruiser)
9: I will travel around the world, starting in Italy
8: I will be handed VIP tickets to something just because I'm important
7: I will fall for a beautiful woman that I can lavish to death
6: I will become closer to my brother and sister
5: I will get into acting again, somehow, someway
4: I will own a place again, whether it be a house, loft or condo
3: I will live off a beach, pref. in Florida
2: I will have kids (I have a goal that I want to adopt at least one kid who is having a hard time getting adopted)
1: I will fall in love again, I've got plenty of time though

A New Challenge

Tomorrow will start my two weeks of working out and not drinking. Why you ask? I feel like it. It seems like I went forever without drinking only to return to my drinking ways after the divorce. I'm testing myself to see if I have the will power to go out and not drink. I actually tend to have more fun without drinking but I know it makes others more comfortable if I do. Anyways... here it goes.

Also... I'm excited because I might have a couple buying my house. That would be great.

Frat Guy Friday

Some of us at our office do theme fridays. Today's theme was inspired by the bra below. Pictures of us to come. If you see a douche bag walking down the hall it is probably either me, Adam or Corey. Even Nick Davis is rocking the double popped-collars.





To the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas —
Two popped-collars, one upside down visor, and douche bag looking like meeeeeee!

That Terrible Premonition

I'm still haunted by yet another dream where I die while I'm sleeping. I've gotten one of those dreams every seven or eight years. I remember them all very vividly. I remember one when I was young where I took a shotgun blast to the face and it was so real I could taste the sulfur in my teeth. The dream I had the other night was just as vivid.

My dream started with me on a plane heading home. I had a feeling of accomplishment but that of loneliness as well. I could tell I was decked out in work clothes and I was blankly staring out of the plane. I remember hearing some really loud gasps and then a free fall ensued. I looked out the window and saw that we were going to smash into some trees. I braced myself against the airplane wall and was hurled into every imaginable direction. I woke up looking into the sky. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't move my legs or my arms. I tried to move anything but I couldn't. I could speak but just barely. I heard people running around scared and hurried. I kept trying all day to call to them to help me but no use. At one point I saw a helicopter over me and I knew I'd be alright but it only picked up the remaining survivors and took off. I felt very tired and worn out. I knew my body was broken and probably dying. I actually made peace with myself in my dream and drifted off into death. In my head I actually heard a voice tell me in the darkness of my mind, "I'm dead".

I awoke drenched in sweat and too panicked to move. I had to tell myself that is was a dream but it was hard because it felt so real. I couldn't sleep or dream for the rest of the night. I was exhausted the next day, like I had gone through some major ordeal. It was very surreal. Am I plagued by some unforeseen tragic death? Or is it merely my old life's layers peeling away?

I Had A Bad Dream Last Night. I Woke Up Drenched In Sweat.

My entrails bathed in the thorn capped moon high over my mind last night.
And I washed my hands in the golden glue of spring's temptations this morning.
I will melt under thunder and lightning to which god's grand hammer swings tonight.
And I will grow from my lilly white carcass—reaching for happiness in the sorrows of tomorrow.
For what the future's rusty blades hold for me I do not know, but I will live alone... and will I die that same way?

Seriously

If I see one more muscle bound douche bag wearing an "affliction" tee I'm going to puke. Even women make fun of how ridiculous it is. Apparently you must get a discount on steroids if you buy the shirt or vice versa. Stop it guys.

Also, if you saw me late last night at Angels Rock Bar it wasn't me, it was my naughty twin.

Get Off Your Pedestal & Have A Good Time!

Dear Kate or Katy or Kathy (it was hard to hear what her real name was in the club)

My good friends Adam and Nick were with me at Angels Rock bar last night. We were having a good time drinking beers, watching the Hills Have Eyes, and of course people watching. I couldn't help but notice the same blonde all night. This blonde was a little older and danced around with a certain air of superiority. I continually watched as she flipped back her deep fried dirty blonde curls and roll her eyes at every guy that gave her a smile. Her eyes didn't just roll back either, they would fling back as if the world should kneel at her feet. I was further disgusted by her when she continually made fun of the girls dancing up on the stage. So what if they might be a little heavier or not as pretty. Apparently her idea of a good time was to bring others down and that's a shame. I hate people like that. As the night continued on she was able to work her way in the VIP section without giving any sort of hint that she appreciated the guys that helped pull it off. Numerous men would try to strike up a conversation but she was done with them. I'm sure she was looking for something more than a good time or any type of descent dating prospect. Nope, she was looking for the golden wallet and Abercrombie model all rolled into one. She wanted someone to worship her. By the end of the night I was sober and just having a good time. The woman finally got on a table with her friend and started dancing. She was approached a couple of times but paid no attention. I noticed though that she kept glancing over at me and staring. As she was getting down, so that her and her friends could get out of there, I approached her with this other guy I'd just met. She ignored him but immediately grabbed my hand in this sexy two finger embrace. She smiled for the first time I'd seen that night and we exchanged names. I mentioned to her as she was leaving that maybe if I saw her again there, that she should try smiling more. She gave me the I'm offended okay sign and then left. My goal was not to get her number or do anything except open her eyes to what a fun time she could be having if she would just allow herself to enjoy it. I also felt a sense of accomplishment in that I exchanged names with the biggest she-witch in club and got her to smile. I don't know her, I don't know what she's gone through but I can read people. I can read snotty spoiled real well.

Great House For Sale!!!

It's mine and to be frank... I'm leaving it in better condition than when it was brand new! Seriously, not going to find a better deal than this and it will sell in the next month or so. Pictures will be up as soon as it gets sunnier. Let everyone know about this house. My House Listing.

Why Am I Blogging, When I Could Be Working?

Bummer. So I have a huge project I have to work a lot of extra hours on. I'm also flying to Dearborn to present it next Monday - Tuesday. On top of that I've been working on my house every night of the week in order to get it ready for this virtual tour shoot Friday. It goes on the market next Tuesday if all goes well. All I really want to do is go to dinner or go work out. I also wouldn't mind going to a movie considering I can go to any AMC theater and watch a movie for free all year and it's even + 1 guest. Not an economical time to be single. Oh, well. Shake it off. Breathe. All good now. Back to work.

P.S. plans are in the works to go to ROME in October as long as Vegas doesn't get too expensive.

The Game

Two steps backwards
One step towards

Three and a half roses
Two drunk club poses

Fourteen winks
About a dozen drinks

Hold the hand, kiss the cheek
No call back, it's looking bleak

Fear the Reaper it's coming to an end
Have sex early it's the trend

How much did I pay for my tan?
It was all over before it began

This game is fucking tiresome, it's too hard to play
I hope I end up happy... one summer day

We need some help.

We need someone that drives a Ford E series van for their job to be in a mock video for a project. We prefer he or she to be older, preferably 40's or 50's. Can anyone help me out?

Please Watch And Learn!

Please watch and learn. I'm not real sure what to write except that this brought forward some emotions and memories I've always repressed until a few months ago. I still don't have the courage to write about the incident that has scarred me so deeply. That horrible morning that had me thinking death is better than life. NO amount of abuse or intimidation is acceptable in this world. Just love each other people and teach your children to do the same. This shit makes me hurt for all parties involved. I know the attackers will regret it because 10 years later I've received such letters.   

For The Birds

She was but a newly wounded bird 

with the thought of flight in her heart. 

He was but a dove new to the deep blue sky. 

She was mesmerizing but kept her distance. 

He, not being wise, fell in love. 

They were happy in blissful confusion for 

their flights took them in different directions. 

They lost each other in a deep storm, 

never to fly with each other again. 

The wounded bird still mesmerizing others; 

the dove... now a hawk, preens his feathers. 

Painting by: Lempicka

If I Was A Book, My Cover Would Be A Blue Piece Of Paper

Could I still be the same eight year old boy, twirling my right foot in circles as I stare down into the pavement, desperately hoping the girl I just whispered affections to... doesn't crush me? Yes. I must be. I've always had difficulties matching my insides with my outside appearance. That might be why I get weird reads from people. I feel that most people (women especially) tend to look at me like they expect me to be cocky. And I'm not, I just appreciate who I am. I grew up the majority of my life extremely unpopular because I was chubby, creative, and really sensitive. I couldn't harm a fly and therefore I was shunned as a young adult. It wasn't until I hit high school (roughly 11th and 12th grade) that I started to thin out, got a nice tan and got a chip on my shoulder. 

Why the chip on my shoulder? I'll tell you why. In Jr. High I was very intimidated by girls because they were extremely mean. I could deal with the daily physical abuse I got from the guys but the emotional abuse was far worse from the girls. I didn't date much except for a few opportunities due to stints in theatre and choir. For the most part I hated the opposite sex going into high school. So I just started to say "fuck it!" and "fuck'em!" Apparently, that made me attractive for a reason I can only describe as fake confidence. I dated a couple of girls in high school, one of which is another story for another time.

After graduation I finally found someone that took the edge off and we "were" in love. The happiness lasted until we fixed each others' wounds and got established in the world and then we realized it was time to go our separate ways. 

It's been awhile, roughly nine years since I've dated. All I'm left knowing is that some women find me cute and in some cases feel intimidated by me, which I'll never figure out. Why? Because I'm still that chubby kid inside who's still intimidated by women. All I want to do is be myself because that gives me confidence. My great qualities are the ones that used to get me beat up in school and I'm glad I didn't lose them. I accept I'm not a bad looking guy, I just need more confidence when it comes to it. Cheers to being eight on the playground again.

Castle Wintry

a short story for me, by me

He had lived his whole life in the damp gray walls of the Castle Wintry. As a boy he new nothing of love or affection; he only knew that when the spiders bit him late at night under the cold moon… he felt it comforting to know something recognized his beating heart. His father was a pastry chef known to most as the worst cake maker in the whole castle. His mother hated his father for be being dull and dry-witted; she in turn saw only his father in his eyes and paid him no mind. They both passed away when he was a teen and left him nothing to remember.

The boy grew into a man. In doing so he gained quite the reputation for entertaining the masses in the castle. He reveled in telling witty jokes and using his flirtatious mannerisms to make the ladies of the castle giggle. He often found that his most prized gift was that of dance. He loved to dance and found that he was quite mesmerizing to the castle patrons when he did so. The man entertained so well that the King requested that the man be appointed court jester and dance before them between meals. A great honor it is to be the supreme entertainer to the nobles and monarch. For years he entertained and loved his audience. He knew them all by name and even when he was not entertaining them officially, he would often stop them in their daily routines in hopes of making them laugh or smile. He counseled many of the men and listened to the quandaries of many of the women. Never a day went by when he felt he didn’t help someone and that left him content.

One early morning brought much grief to the man. The man, now in his late thirties, was lying on his deathbed. He had but only a few hours left. The man reconciled the notion of death and started to smile once again. He continued to smile while waiting for the beautiful sight of all his friends and master to wish him off to the afterlife. The day was long and soon it was night. Never had a man been so saddened and now so ready to die. He had understood what his life was about. He knew the affection and the attention he never received as a child motivated him to give. Therefore, he gave all of himself to others. Lying on his deathbed with only a few hours left, he knew he’d die alone and that’s when he realized… he more than anyone else in Castle Wintry deserved love.

The man’s body was tossed to the moat where it was promptly lifted and carried away. The man's body drifted and finally rested in a patch of water lilies. When the man had died, his last thought was that he wished he could have danced one last time. He wished he could have done the one thing that gave him joy one last time. Some would say they could see the water lilies dance under the moonlight to the whistling wind. Unfortunately, most paid no attention to the water lilies, the masses only wished they had someone to listen to them, talk to them, or just dance for them. There was now no such person in Castle Wintry.

Citizen Cope!!!

It was awesome! I had so much fun. I was a little skeptical of just how much fun it would be to go by myself but I really enjoyed it. I'm glad I went. And I got to see the KU game at the Blue Note as well. I kept the cheering to a minimal since I was surrounded by MU people. On my trip I decided to take some silly pictures and put together this little slideshow video. Great way to pass the time on the road. Enjoy!

Hurricane Waters

Bullet & A Target

Bummer

No takers on the Citizen Cope concert, so I'm going by myself.

Oscar Mayer Has Never Been So Proud

Outside our VML office lived a wienermobile for a couple of days. During which time one of the employees has an awesome moment of clarity and creative vision. He took this shot. Thank you Travis for making me laugh at such an uncompromisingly sexual joke. That image molests my childhood memories and doesn't apologize for it. I love it!

The Jokes On Us

I had a really adventurous day on Tuesday around lunch time. My good friend and coworker came over to my desk and had me look at a cool site called http://clowntravelagency.com/. We looked at the site closely. There was a letter with written clues in it but we ignored it and started looking at the addresses. I was curious because they had a listing for K.C. but the address for it hadn't been revealed yet. Apparently this site started at 12:01 a.m. on Tuesday so we found out about the site just in time. Adam and I had already figured out this had to be linked somehow to the new Batman movie called Dark Knight. We studied the addresses and started to Google them. We studied the buildings in the street view on google maps. Each building had a name that had bowling terms in it, therefore we surmised they must all be bowling alley's. This made the previous letter seem obvious now with all its clues. The letter read:

Ready to have a ball?

A special bag of fun awaits the first to claim it, 

but you better strike fast, there's

no time to spare!

We were onto something. I noticed that more addresses were being revealed on the hour every hour. Kansas City was going to come up either at 11 or 12. Adam and I scoured the addresses of K.C. bowling alley's. That is when I jokingly threw out that it was probably going to be in the bowling alley we had our last VML summer party at. I went back to my desk and started working again but that "bag of fun" was constantly on my mind. 12:00 came and K.C. was released. Adam wrote down the locker combination, address and we ran out of VML. I sped out of the VML parking lot and we headed to 18th street. Shit! a traffic back-up on the Broadway bridge, we were pissed. Adrenaline was still pumping as we moved through the traffic. Damn! that's when Adam realized it was 18th street in North K.C... it was the summer party bowling alley! I knew how to get there so I gunned it. We raced down 9 highway constantly observing other drivers to see if we had competition on the road. I dropped Adam off at the front door and he bolted inside. I parked and ran in only to find Adam befuddled looking at the lockers. He shouted, "There's no locker 50!" So I raced to the other side of the bowling alley. I got to the lockers and that is when a man came around the corner holding the bag. Fuck! he beat us by only a couple of minutes. I asked him to show us the prize. The bowling bag had a bowling ball colored in a cool Joker scheme and there was a phone with a calling card attached. Apparently, you get a message when you call the number??? 

Thus our adventure was done and we were excited but frustrated. Here's to cool scavenger hunts and great marketing campaigns. This is the douche bag that took our prize. Apparently he has tendonitis...

I'm Exhausted From Being Exhausted

I'm so exhausted. I had a really cool scavenger hunt today that I want to blog about. Instead I'm going to think about how much I wish I was in my new bed sleeping.