Her Name Was Megan And I Almost Killed The Bitch! (Part I)

This last Friday night I was excited because my friend and coworker gave me tickets to Turning Points "An evening with friends" charity event. VML was a sponsor and therefore received eight tickets. I was only allowed two tickets so this made it a little harder to figure out who to invite. I'll spare you the details but my good buddy and genius copy guy Nick Davis attended it with me. The event was being held at the Live block of Power and Light just like the Bloom charity event. I got to the event a little late, low and behold no other VMLer was in attendance. Seriously... we did a lot of creative work for the event and it's a great event to meet other career minded people. Is this the best we can do... two people? I was pretty disappointed because I knew of some other VMLers that would have loved to attended. Now I know why people haven't heard of VML in this town. I love VML so I'm more than happy to carry the load at these events and get our name out there. Back to the evening at hand. Nick and I get in and get our drinks and eat the wonderful food they've provided.

That's when I met her...

I finally ran into my friend Kelli who works for Turning Point. Kelli was with her husband and another girl. She introduced me to her friend named Megan. Megan and I chatted for a little bit. Needless to say I was happy to make a new friend. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. As Nick and I rubbed elbows with snobs and entertained ourselves with the decorations surrounding us–apparently Megan was drinking a lot. We met back up with Kelli and her group as the event was winding down and Drew 6 was finishing the last couple of songs on their playlist. Megan was showing signs of feeling her buzz and as she grabbed me and forced me to dance with her I was willing to entertain. Megan needed to go to the restroom which was clear across the courtyard and in doing so grabbed my hand and had me walk with her there. On our way there I could see that her walking was getting worse and worse. She was in the bathroom for quite a while but i waited for her until she finished. We were heading back to the stage when I noticed the event had just finished. People were starting to move in that didn't have tickets. I wanted to get Megan back to Kelli because at that moment I got a text from a bunch of my friends wanting me to come meet up with them at the plaza.

Here's where shit got real... (To be continued)

Here's a picture of me and my what I thought was my new found friend.

More Good Reads To Come!

Okay, so I'm really excited because I've written some good posts including a two parter about me losing my virginity. Trust me when i say that it was not the fantasy every teenage boy imagines. Also, I had a wonderfully terrible Friday night that I can't wait to write about. That post will include a cute drunk blonde tackling me in the mud and kissing me on my neck right after she vomited all over the place. Also, I was in the midst of calling yellow cab at the time. It was a gross ordeal all the way around. All Dick Navis could do was laugh at the situation we had gotten into to. Lots to come but unfortunately I have to clean house and then I'm off to the Wizards game. I leave you with another great poem. I saw so many wealthy and seemingly happy people last night at a charity event but somehow I noticed that maybe all those wealthy people weren't as happy as they appeared.

RICHARD CORY

by: Edwin Arlington Robinson (1869–1935)

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
“Good-morning,” and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich,—yes, richer than a king,—
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

Bang Bang

Soooooooooooooooo... I'm pretty sure i just heard gunshots outside. They kinda freaked me out.

Society by Eddie Vedder

It's a mistery to me
we have a greed
with which we have agreed

You think you have to want
more than you need
until you have it all you won't be free

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me

When you want more than you have
you think you need
and when you think more than you want
your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place
'cos when you have more than you think
you need more space

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

there's those thinking more or less less is more
but if less is more how you're keeping score?
Means for every point you make
your level drops
kinda like its starting from the top
you can't do that...

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

society, have mercy on me
I hope you're not angry if I disagree
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

Does She Like Me?

She's way to smart for me my mom says, it was a joke but it still cuts like a knife. And she's right! What would a full ride scholar to Purdue with a degree in Neuroscience want with me? She's way out of my league right? She won a two year job at one of the most prestigious medical research facilities in the country. That's really fucking impressive right? I come from a long genetic line of crazy. She's from good stock, the kind that has a mom in the Kansas legislature and a father who does stellar photography. Why did she even talk to me? What could this amazingly beautiful and extremely sharp girl want from me? I've been beating myself up about this for the past couple of days and really the only thing that scares me is... what if she feels the same way I do. What if she doesn't like me.

Her eyes are the largest deepest pools of green you've ever seen and they mesmerize me.

We've been on a couple of dates and our interests are very similar. The attraction seems to be there as well. There just seems to be some impending doom that feels like... maybe I got in over my head. I've never dated someone like this before and it shatters my mind into a million scenarios. What the hell do I do? I think the only thing I can do is shut my brain off and enjoy her company. She intimidates me in ways I've never been intimidated by someone before and that fascinates me. I'm so nervous. What if she doesn't like me?

She makes me laugh, she makes me feel.

What if?

Life's Little Lessons

It started to bleed. I immediately put my finger in my mouth. I could taste the salty sweet liquid as I tried to warm the wound with my spit. It discomforted me that I could feel my life pulsing through the smallest of appendages. I quickly ran over to the brown sink. The sink looked like it had seen a better time, like teethe that over the years of neglect start to yellow. The sink was sitting there like a catcher, mitt in hand, ready for me to deliver my red essence into it. I grabbed at some paper towels only to have them rip into pieces because the turning mechanism wouldn't rotate. I poured water onto the wound that was still throbbing. Strawberry swirls spun and danced around the tarnished bowl. Finally, I was able to grab a good chunk of the course paper and wrap my wounded finger in it. It took me two minutes to get the bleeding to stop. I politely asked the gentleman at the front desk of the YMCA if he could provide me a band aid. He delivered the flesh toned piece of tape, smiled, and continued on his journey of tackling a small pile of paperwork.

How had I come to this point? Easy... by sheer act of blindness. I was lazily getting ready for work at my local gym. I had just showered and like always stood underneath the hand dryers, not because I need to dry off that way but because it feels good when that warm air hits the top of your head and flows down to your toes. That's neither here nor there, just thought my readers should know. I had put on my black boxer briefs, jeans, and shirt. I needed my cologne so I reached into the smaller pocket of my bag and that's when it happened. My reflexes were immediate. The middle finger on my right hand was sliced down the middle. The cut ran through the finger and nail from the top to three fourths of the way down. I had cut open my finger and nail on a shaving razor and it hurt.

As the days passed I seemed to go through a lot of band aids. I sometimes had to go without band aids and that was terrible. Every time I reached into my pocket I would hit the severed nail and it would slowly peel back causing the most horrendous pain. I couldn't bowl one night because it was too uncomfortable. It was painful and because the injury was located on the most widely used finger—a constant reminder that it was there. That happened the same week as she came into and out of my life. I find it eerie how two such different encounters could parallel each other so well. A wound no matter how big or small is still a wound. I reached out for something blindly before I weighed the consequences. After the wound was made I felt rushed and panicked always trying to bandage something that was just too out of control. The injury stayed for awhile and would find ways to open itself again. Now... my finger is fine, it has a scar but it no longer feels the pain. I placed the razors in another pocket, they are sharp and cunning.

The Book Signing With David Sedaris That Never Happened

Mr. Nick Davis and I arrived to the book signing in absolute awe of the line that had formed for it. Rainy Day books was no match for the five hundred or so tickets sold. We parked behind a medical facility in hopes that we wouldn't get towed. The fear was written across our faces as we looked back at the car a dozen or so times as we walked to the book store. We stood out in the parking lot in the massive line before they dispersed the casual signing line. Cartons of lemonade were perched on tables next to plastic cups filled with the glucose rich syrup. I couldn't help but notice a cute girl walk into the crowd, as she slowly wandered I kept looking around to see if anyone was with her. Her features immediately reminded me of a younger Angelina Jolie... perhaps Burn from the classic cult hit Hackers. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she walked up right behind me and stood. At this moment I could I only do one thing. I proceeded to approach her and then made a strange curve towards the lemonade. I'm so smooth that a porcupine would find me prickly. I returned with my lemonade in hand and I slowly sipped it. It was warm and a little too sweet. I noticed the girl made her move towards the lemonade and retreated back into the crowd, this time a little further back. I wanted to go say hi but I was extremely nervous. Also I thought, would she have a boyfriend that might show up and interrupt whatever chemistry might be there. I over-analyze everything so of course there are a million scenarios playing out in my head. Finally, I decided to shut off my brain and I let the black pavement slide me like a chess piece into place. I made a joke about the Paul Newman's finest lemonade and away we went.

The journey was fun and it was nice to laugh and smile with someone so random. We talked for little bit until it was time for the reading. We sat on the hard pavement as the speakers pulsed the humorous written word of Mr. Sedaris. After the reading it was time for the official book signing. We both had a long wait but mine was going to be much longer. The time flew by as we discussed our many interests which happened to be very similar. We talked for hours until she had to go get her book signed. It was already 10:30 p.m. and I hadn't eaten since lunch. This was going to take forever because David Sedaris apparently loves to talk to everyone for a really long time. I kept peeking at my watch and we still had a good couple of hours left to go. I was able to get the girls information so Nick and I decided to split. My definition of the term split is to run back to the car in flip flops while trying not to fall face first into the gritty pavement below. Nick and I finished the night with Joe's pizza. She was on my mind and it felt good to me. It made sense that bars have yet to seem fruitful in distributing such like minded candidates. However, a book signing is a whole different ball game. It might seem obvious to most but it's not easy when you're in my shoes. I didn't get to meet Mr. Sedaris but I feel like I got to meet someone a lot more interesting.

Here is an essay to give you an idea of his writing style if you've never heard of him.

Feeling Good and Independent.

I never thought I'd feel this way but I feel great. I'm going through life doing what I want and if someone wants to take a chance on me then... lucky them. I feel stronger than ever right now and nothing's going to get me down. I'm ready for another shot at love because I know it can and will happen for me. I'm a great guy and I hope someone catches onto that. The universe wants us to find someone that can help us heel our wounds and I'm hopefully searching.

A Master of Words

Edna St. Vincent Millay (February 22, 1892 – October 19, 1950) was an American lyrical poet and playwright and the first woman to receive the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry. She was also known for her unconventional, bohemian lifestyle and her many love affairs.

This is a wonderfully tragic sonnet that a friend exposed me to. It only seemed fitting I place Frida in this post as well.

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!

There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, – so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!


THE TWO FRIDAS BY FRIDA KAHLO

...

This Woman's Work -
Kate Bush

Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
Though we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.

(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things we should've said,
That we never said.
All the things we should've done,
Though we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.

By Whom All Women Thereafter Are Measured... "Part IV"

I'll never forget Sunday. I stood on the porch drenched from the rain. The thunder was a good distraction from the sound of my breaking heart. She'd ventured back into my life again, made me feel complete again. I was standing there... hoping she'd come back. She didn't. At one point I held her tight, I didn't want to let her go, she was already gone though. I'll let the rain do my crying this time. I don't know if lightning will strike a third time, I can only play out the "what ifs" in my mind. I can only hope she feels the same way. I can only wait, whether we'll have the chance in this life or the next.

I'm sorry readers but this is all I'm allowed to provide, I made a promise to someone. I always keep my promises. Just know I've moved on or at least I keep telling myself I have. I've since wished her good luck and told her all I want is for her to be happy. I know her though and like myself we both are like moths to a flame when it comes to self conflict. We don't let ourselves be happy because it's something we've never really known. As soon as our world is calm we strive to shake it up again. Since I'm a product of my environment... I'm making my mark on the world. One life lesson at a time for all the world to read. Most don't understand why I do it and I don't care. I've got a courage inside of me most wish they had. They'll see the big picture soon enough.

I hate goodbyes. I prefer... I'll see you at the next party.

By Whom All Women Thereafter Are Measured... "Part III"

I started receiving messages from Crystal again on myspace. We started talking again and now that I was divorced I felt there was no longer any pressure to hide my thoughts or feelings. Again, we fell back into our comfort zone. We talked for hours and texted back and forth all day long. We were flirtatious and fun with each other. I always thought to myself, I've turned off my heart and I won't get hurt again. We'll see if that holds true... this will be a good test for me.

We decided to meet for coffee and catch up on things. As soon as I pulled up to the Starbucks I had butterflies. I was that boy again wondering if this cute girl would like me. I walked in and spotted her on her computer right away. I was floored. She looked just as stunning today as she did back in high school. That's when it hit me like a train, she's back. I sat down and we started to talk just like old times. The chemistry was unexplainable and she shined of a bright light that would have the sun squint. We talked until she needed to go to her hair appointment and we talked there. We walked out to my car and talked there. It was electric and I knew what she was searching for... a kiss. I've always noticed that we've had similar sized lips, a random thought I know. That's when things got heavy. I was reminded why I was happy and hurting all at the same time. She invited me to come hang out at her "bachelorette party" in Power and Light that Saturday. She was getting married the following Friday and it bothered me. This is the point when my friends tell me not to do it but because I listen to my heart, I do it anyway. She probed me with questions about marriage. I began to notice she was having the same concerns and thoughts as me at that time right before my wedding. I wanted to yell, "it's a mistake!" but I couldn't... maybe it was because I wanted her too badly. Maybe I would say it out of spite... I proceeded to just give advice and no more.

The next two days we talked and texted constantly. We couldn't get each other out of our minds. Saturday night came and I ventured down to the Power and Light District. I finally met up with Crystal and her friends. Some of them I had not seen since high school. It became clear I needed to spice this party up so I did my best to participate. I got drinks for the girls and I was apart of a few checklist items which was fun. I made sure the future bride had a steady stream of drinks and shots going the whole time. After waiting in line at Mosaic for way to long it looked like we needed to move the party downstairs. By now some of the party was ready to leave after having way to much to drink before hitting P & L. Some of us finally made our way to the fountain in the center of the Live block. As the drinks kept flowing the bachelorette got more friendly. At one point we had a very nice "I missed you" kiss. It was all innocent and fun until certain feelings started to surface. Feelings that had been buried away for a awhile now. Crystal and I had made plans to talk the next day so I kept the focus on keeping her safe and having a good time. The majority of her friends peeled off throughout the night until it was just me and one other left. We left the Power and Light with me carrying her to her friends truck. When I put her in the back of the truck I looked into her eyes and I knew I made a big mistake. I'd done it again. I'd felt hope.

By Whom All Women Thereafter Are Measured... "Part II"

I thought about her when it rained and when it snowed. I thought about her in the shower and when I watched certain movies. Over the years I'd ask my friends that went to college with her if they'd seen her. I'd ask them if she was doing okay and how she looked and they'd let me know. Unfortunately, for my fiancé I ran comparisons in my head between her and Crystal and how could anyone live up to the pedestal at which I put Crystal on. Halfway into my sophomore year in college I got a strange phone call. It was Crystal and it threw me for a loop. All sorts of emotions flooded my insides. We talked like we were still together in high school but when she wanted to meet... I felt I would get hurt again and it would mess up my relationship with Tiffany so I lied and told her Tiff didn't think it was a good idea.

Seven years had past after our last phone call and I had given up hope that I'd ever hear from her again. I was amazed to find one morning while checking myspace that there was a friend request from a Crystal. I debated whether to accept it or not but it didn't take long for me to click the appropriate button. As soon as I accepted her friend request I probed her bio and information. As I read her bio I slowly died inside. A couple of years before this chance myspace friendship she had gone through a pretty tough cancer battle. This is where you find out I'm not a doctor. Apparently, her main artery in her neck that ran down to her chest was being squeezed by a tumor. This caused insufficient blood flow and messed her up for a little bit. She triumphed over it but I had wished I was there to comfort her throughout it. It felt like a piece of me was neglected during a time at which she needed me the most. At this point I was already having issues with my marriage. Tiffany and I were contemplating separation and things were just not looking good. I was able to talk to Crystal on the phone a couple of times and again after so long it felt so comfortable. It felt as if we were stepping back into an old pair of shoes and we were just instantly drawn to each other. We talked about meeting up but it just never happened and we sorta' kept our distances from each other while I was trying to work things out with my wife.

By Whom All Women Thereafter are Measured... "Part I"

Her name was clear as Crystal and when I first saw her in English class I was saddened. Why would such a cute girl want to have anything to do with me? Crystal had just transferred to our terribly small school and while I looked forward to seeing her everyday in class... it was certain she couldn't have feelings for a boy like me. However, over the years she was sweet to me and I tried hard to impress her in all the wrong ways. I still remember feeling awkward and joyful when we got the chance to dance together at a school dance party. I seemed to make her laugh but more importantly we were developing a close friendship.

As our Senior year rolled around I thought about her constantly. We had some classes together, mainly sculpture class and we were able to visit with each other a lot. We hit it off on everything from music to movies (Damn the man, Crows and Falco) but most of all... we just had fun keeping each other company. We would go home and have supper and do whatever until it got later in the evening and then we'd call each other. We'd talk on the phone for hours but I craved the long pauses when I could just hear her breathe. We really enjoyed going to the movies and getting lost in the storytelling (Wild Things, The Man in the Iron Mask and Titanic). I remembered during the movie Titanic Crystal started to tear up and one by one the tears fell. I remembered thinking that she looked so beautiful when she was filled with such emotion. I took her hand during the movie which I was to find out later is a sign of physical intimacy even more than a kiss for me. We enjoyed each others company when we went to dinner and often times made fun of each other on how we looked when we ate (turtle). We had deep conversations full of similar issues with our parents. We both seemed to have controlling parents to a degree that can wire you wrong for a very long time.

I was in a place to give her all of me and yet I was not confident enough to do it. I was the antithesis of aggressive at that time. She seemed confused and was somewhat in a relationship with an older guy. I later found out he was cheating on her by some of her friends but i didn't have the heart to tell her. She seemed to pull away from me and I let her do it. I was upset and at one point when we were leaving sculpture class it got a little heated verbally and it didn't help that our lockers were next to each other. I watched my friend, my dream girl pull away for good and all I could do was whine and bitch about it. I was so very young and immature at that time.

We graduated and I never saw her again... but I thought about her.

I Forgot About The Broken Chair!

Yeah, I went to sit down on Daniela's chair and it came crashing down. I was waisted and it was six in the morning... what are you supposed to do? I made this pose.

Why I Hate Mondays

Bad decision Thursdays continued last week. After our weekly kickball game we decided to venture out to the Dierks Bentley concert at the Power & Light. I drove my roommate and my friend Daniela to the concert and on our way we were pulled aside by some Jamaican homies that gave us twenty or so fliers for a Jamaican concert at the Beaumont. We end up at The P&L where D and I split off to have some food and drinks at Makers Mark. I hung out with D's dad and some buddies of his. We then proceeded to hit Fuego where my friends Christina, Cody, Jen, Adam, Nick, Steve and his girlfriend Hauna were drinking and doing shots. D and I had to catch up and so we did. D even proceeded to convince the bartender to serve us all her new concoction of Jaeger, sprite and OJ. Tasted terrible. We then hit Tengo where we all proceeded to get wasted and dance the night away. D and I also tried to show people how to do the cupid shuffle but i don't think people were getting it. During the whole night D and I were taking turns passing out the Jamaican fliers to unsuspecting people while also trying to convince them it would be the best show they've ever seen. It was a blast! Dierks was good too, I still think I sing "What was I thinkin'" better. I got everyone home safe.


Friday night was all about the Bloom Party! The theme was white, bright and electric. I decided to buy a white suit for the event and it turned out to be a hit. VML had fifteen tickets but I noticed I was the only one who used any of them. We rocked Bloom hard. Free booze and food you can't go wrong with that. I was upstaged by D again when we were able to nominate her up onto stage. The live cover band needed a volunteer to sing the trumpet in Johnny cash's "Ring of Fire" and Daniela was ready to perform. D had the whole crowd entertained with her miscues and funny noises. Nine times out of ten D finds her way up to a stage and that's one of the reasons why we love her. I have a hard time finding anyone that is crazier or can role with me but D can. After that it was a lot of dancing and a lot of fun. I was having a good time but in the back of my mind I felt something missing.

Saturday Night was fun when Adam and I kicked it off with going to see Eddie Izzard. Izzard is the funniest transvestite comedian ever. He's also known for playing the father in the show the riches. Adam and I then proceeded to the Brooksider to watch the Zero's and score a few drinks before we met up with our friend Christina. One drunk girl spotted me and she was extremely friendly and funny. I danced with her and as Adam would say later, "Dude, she wanted to ride your wriggle stick" but that's not my thing right now so I got her number and then we left when Christina called. We proceeded to go and meet up with Christina at Kona grill. We then moved to O'Dowds. Adam and i ran into some old KU buddies and we had a good time. We closed O'Dowds down and that's when shit got crazy. One of Christina's friends had a bit of a melt down and it was extremely crazy and entertaining. Adam was going to stay on our couch but before we could get to bed guess who calls? It's D and she's ready to continue the party at her place. I grab the liquor and walk a block down to her place. Adam crashed at four in the morning and I ended up fixing breakfast for everyone at five in the morning. We were all wasted and at six in the morning it was me and D dancing the sun up. I walked home with the sun coming up and the liquor sweating out and it was awesome.



Sunday's sleep didn't last long before i was at lunch with my mom drinking mojito's and eating some tasty food. All in all, maybe I've gotten fifteen hours of sleep over those days. But I'll sleep when I'm dead. And that's why I hate Monday's... so fucking boring.

I Dreamed I Saw An Angel

I ran into someone I've tried so hard to keep out of my mind and heart. However, I saw her radiant beauty for a split second and it captivated me again. I once begged her to tell me she didn't feel for me in that way and then she told me she couldn't and I've found it hard to move on. It won't stop me from giving my heart to others but sometimes when I think of her... I wish I could leave this city. She tortures me but the feelings do fade a little over time. This poem is about her and I can't stop seeing her eyes, her beautiful lips, and that smile makes me weak but her laugh is the best of all. Her laugh makes me beg for sadness because if I were any happier I'd float away and then I realize I have lots of sadness because her laugh will never be mine completely. It's okay, I've shut her out before it can be done again.

I dreamed I saw an angel,
but I was the one in white.

I dreamed I saw an angel,
her eyes owned the starry night.

I dreamed I saw an angel,
and I've seen her many times.

I dreamed I saw an angel,
if only her lips needed mine.

I dreamed I saw an angel,
her beauty binds me every day.

I dreamed I saw an angel,
but loves devil has ripped her away.