By Whom All Women Thereafter are Measured... "Part I"

Her name was clear as Crystal and when I first saw her in English class I was saddened. Why would such a cute girl want to have anything to do with me? Crystal had just transferred to our terribly small school and while I looked forward to seeing her everyday in class... it was certain she couldn't have feelings for a boy like me. However, over the years she was sweet to me and I tried hard to impress her in all the wrong ways. I still remember feeling awkward and joyful when we got the chance to dance together at a school dance party. I seemed to make her laugh but more importantly we were developing a close friendship.

As our Senior year rolled around I thought about her constantly. We had some classes together, mainly sculpture class and we were able to visit with each other a lot. We hit it off on everything from music to movies (Damn the man, Crows and Falco) but most of all... we just had fun keeping each other company. We would go home and have supper and do whatever until it got later in the evening and then we'd call each other. We'd talk on the phone for hours but I craved the long pauses when I could just hear her breathe. We really enjoyed going to the movies and getting lost in the storytelling (Wild Things, The Man in the Iron Mask and Titanic). I remembered during the movie Titanic Crystal started to tear up and one by one the tears fell. I remembered thinking that she looked so beautiful when she was filled with such emotion. I took her hand during the movie which I was to find out later is a sign of physical intimacy even more than a kiss for me. We enjoyed each others company when we went to dinner and often times made fun of each other on how we looked when we ate (turtle). We had deep conversations full of similar issues with our parents. We both seemed to have controlling parents to a degree that can wire you wrong for a very long time.

I was in a place to give her all of me and yet I was not confident enough to do it. I was the antithesis of aggressive at that time. She seemed confused and was somewhat in a relationship with an older guy. I later found out he was cheating on her by some of her friends but i didn't have the heart to tell her. She seemed to pull away from me and I let her do it. I was upset and at one point when we were leaving sculpture class it got a little heated verbally and it didn't help that our lockers were next to each other. I watched my friend, my dream girl pull away for good and all I could do was whine and bitch about it. I was so very young and immature at that time.

We graduated and I never saw her again... but I thought about her.