And Here Is Where I Try To Make Sense Of Things (Part 2)

After I graduated school in the summer of 2002 I started sending out my resumé. No takers until the fall where I started working at a small design shop for practically pennies. She continued school as well as working part time. For me...things were starting to change. By the next spring I didn't have a job and we were living in a tiny apartment in shawnee. I started working with a friend designing small websites. It didn't pay much but it was good experience.

We had to move in with my parents. This was a very tough thing to do. It wore on us. She was going to school and working while I was still trying to beef up my portfolio and interview everywhere. I refused to take production jobs that were being offered for fear that I'd be pigeon holed into a line of work I didn't want to do. I felt guilty for that choice and it strained the relationship. I once told myself that I had two big goals. One was to travel the world. Two was to be a designer in New York. I gave up both so I could be with her. That would doom us as well. After the divorce I recieved an important letter from her, she wrote that she was sorry for forgetting about my dreams and that she sees now why I did what I had to do. I thought I could put aside all my dreams, my goals, but what I found was that I was putting my happiness aside in order to achieve someone else's dreams and goals. That is not how you should live your life.

I finally got a job at another small design firm. That job then led me to a job at my current place of employment. We moved downtown shortly after. We were both working and our careers were starting to take off. Unfortunately, our relationship was being ignored over the constant hum of every day responsibilities. Like zombies we were moving through life, putting all our energy into our work...perhaps so we didn't have to face the reality that we were pulling away from each other.