I knew I made a huge mistake after the wedding. My head was all over the place and old feelings, thoughts, emotions from my childhood started to resurface. With us living so far away from my friends and her having social anxiety I was trapped. I wanted to go out. I needed to go out. I started trying to go out more and I drank more. I had a hard time coping with what I'd just done so I drank and partied but not like before where it was controlled. This was me not caring what happened. This was me acting out.
Some witnessed this break down at my office party. So many seemed to think that I just partied a little too hard. It was deeper, it was less than a month after the wedding and I was out to destroy something. I was pretty drunk by the time my wife had shown up. I ignored her and pushed her away. I hated her at that moment and I didn't know why. She left the party. I hated her for leaving me there. I was testing her to see just how much she'd put up with. She was tired of that game and therefore just left. Her mind was somewhere else. She was starting to feel the struggle with not being a mother yet. I knew that too.
The rest is a blur to me but apparently I continued to drink and finally passed out. My friends called my wife and she came and picked me up. I woke up the next morning lying on the cold concrete floor of our garage. I continued to vomit and get sick for the next two days and finally had to be rushed to the E.R. for I.V. drips. Apparently I had the flu as well. I was so very lucky I didn't ruin everything at my job. I tried to destroy my life but thankfully I didn't succeed. It still gets brought up as a joke just like any college party but for me it's deeper. It takes me back to a time where I didn't like who I was or what I was doing.
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