And Here Is Where I Try To Make Sense Of Things (Part 6)

I worked harder than ever before, feeling guilty about what I had done. The rest of the winter was cold in more ways than one. I put my frustrations into working on the house. I learned how to drywall and standard house maintenance. I retreated into sports, T.V., video games and food. I've always been particular about my weight and I've always worked hard to maintain it. This time I just didn't care.

The summer rolled around and she wasn't working because she was a teacher. She spent the whole summer in bed...sleeping. She was deeply depressed. I couldn't take it and so I spent lots of time out or doing other things. I knew why she was depressed. It was a conversation we kept having. I couldn't understand why she wanted kids so bad, right now? I felt like I still needed a lot more time. I still needed to travel. I still needed to advance my career. We separated for a bit but the loneliness got to me and I came back. She tried to be more upbeat and I tried to be happier but it was just delaying the inevitable.

That summer something else happened. I met someone that sparked me. She was beautiful and the chemistry was great. I realized then that the person I was then was different from the person I was eight years earlier. I realized that my attractions and my interests were different. I realized that happiness lied somewhere else and with someone else. During the separation right before the divorce I tried to pursue it but nothing came from it. It was a good learning experience albeit painful.